Bullying, ADHD and just Coping with Life- What to do about it

It astounds me how many kids/students today (those struggling with ADHD or not) are also struggling with Bullying.  I’ve seen it at work, in school, at home within families,friendships etc.  and I keep wondering when all the craziness is going to stop.

As an ADHD student in highschool (although I was  undiagnosed) I still knew the difference between loving behaviors and UNLOVING behaviors and yet Christ protected my heart from these bozos.  (thank god)  There was a time when I had made drill team because of my prior dance experience (8 yrs of tap, jazz, ballet, twirling) and so I easily got on the highschool drill team.  However, getting on a highly competitive  drill team (statewide) didn’t guarantee acceptance for me. 
I would find that under the stress of having to do my schoolwork , memorize routines for friday night games and THEN do extra work to keep my GPA up would totally bounce me out of the ball field gradewise. 

Stress is the number #1 provoker of ADD/ADHD.  AND,  unfortunately for me and those like me who suffer with the condition, we have to live on planet earth and so we’re not excluded from this one attribute in life.  Stress can provoke every mind boggling component of ADD/ADHD to where our brains get fuzzy, we lose track/focus, we get forgetful, screw up job tasks to the point that we come across as lane brains.  Coping skills are usually put into effect during these times so that we can manuever our way through the stressful times in our lives to even be able to cope with life.

During drill team though- my god, my god, I thought life couldn’t get any crazier with trying to organize my time, my routines, my school work, my friends, boyfriends, and unbeknownst to me I probably would have done better just not even being on the team.  You see, ADD/ADHD people’s biggest struggle is getting their brains to fire consistently.  And without meds- the brain doesn’t have the ability to “stay on track” so the person suffering with the condition will struggle to even get the most mundane tasks done.  The “stop/start” process of the lack of brain firing will interrupt our abilities to mature emotionally (or at the same rate as others around us), it hinders our cognitive abilities (this allows us to move into higher critical thinking) which allows us to advance in life.  When all along if people that suffered with the condition REALLY knew who they were- they’d crap because almost MOST/if not ALL ADD/ADHD students are genuineses  or at least borderline genuineses with their abilities to think outside of the box.  We’re quirky yeah, maybe even seen as “different” but you know what?  I LOVE being different?  I’m so glad I’m not cast into the same  mold as the rest of the world trying to fit myself (a square peg) into  a round hole.  How boring. 

SO!  Back to high-school ALLLLLL Of these crazy components used to happen to me ALL at once and I found myself at the center of being Bullied by those around me.  I guess they thought I wasn’t trying hard enough to learn the routines but in reality I was struggling in my learning all the way around.  If they’d have asked- they might have found out the truth and all the craziness and bullying would have stopped.

Bottom line:  BULLYING IS WRONG- its unacceptable and it really shows whats going on the hearts of those who BULLY others around them.  Bullies “think” that they have the upper hand until one of their victims gets sick and tired of their crap and “cold cocks” them or stands up to their bad behavior patterns.  A bully is so full of pride that they think noone will ever stand up the way that they try to control their victims with their Rage, their “put downs”, or criticalness, or their innate ability to hone in on the fears of others with the lie that those bullies can control their victims worlds.  They can only control those that they draw into fear.  And they are playing off of YOUR fears btw.  So how do you overcome it?  How do you overcome a bully?  The pride filled jerk that hounds you at work, or school or in your family.  Maybe your married to one.  (Yikes)

If your married to one- once you start to set boundaries of what you will tolerate and WHAT you WILL NOT- you can bet your butt you’re gonna get backlash.  AND strong at first because a bully never likes to give up control.

I wish so bad that I had known then (in high school) what I know now because I would taken these little bullies to court (including my drill team instructor AND the school district) for letting these jerks behave like they did.  But that was then and this is now and I can’t live in the past-  BUT I can do something about my present so that I can have a great future. 

With bullies you have to remember this:  If they know more about you than YOU know about you- THEY can control you.  BUT if YOU know more about you than THEY know about you they CANNOT (control you NOR can they control your emotional reaction when you get around them).  Kinda like the bully on House wives of New Jersey (Teresa).  Gosh- NOW SHE is a bully and  bully in MUCH need of counseling.

ALL Bullies have fears, they are insecure and some of them just need a good old (excuse what I’m getting ready to say here) but  “Good old fashioned ass whoopin.”  When I encounter a bully- I start setting STRONG boundaries right off the bat.  I don’t back down no matter what it might cost me.   My job is not that important to put up with them nor are relationships in my family and I’ve been very known to get rid of both problematic areas when I have problems with those who demand the right to continue bullying me.

You see- when you deal with children- YOU TREAT THEM LIKE CHILDREN by using extinction on the person who tries to control you.  They don’t exist in my world and eventually (after about a year of my ignoring them) they start to wonder why which usually prompts a corrective conversation with the individual.  Now- mind you- some jerks  never change and and I’m quick to remind them of my HR rights when they are in my place of employment.  (Not creating hostile environments around me, nor harassing me are going to be tolerated.)

With your kids- now thats a completely different story.  Your kids need to video the bully (if at all possible in a hidden way) so that they have proof of what these kids behave like when away from authority.   The problem is is that if a bully thinks that they will always be allowed to behave badly- then they will continue to do so. But when the going gets tough- and you realize that you have nothing to lose- thats when you will do something about it.  I don’t know about you but I refuse to live in torment and allow the devil to torment me through other screwed up selfish people.

Actually- THATS when I allow Jesus to fight my battles and WOE be the person that comes at Christ on my vessel.   Jesus LOVES his children and HE WILL NOT Tolerate abuse! In any form.  He died and was abused himself so that we would not be and when He lives in my heart that means His spirit is within me.  That He stands between me and the bullies of life. 

Now I know this entire blog is tough- but this is called “Tough love”- and Christ wasn’t playing a game when He went into the Temple of money changers and turned all their tables over, whipping them with a cat of nine tails as He walked past.  He was just that Angry!  And it makes Him VERY angry when demon filled, pride filled bullies try to exhaust their knowledge of boundaries over His children’s lives. 

I’ve seen it time and time again when I’ve had family members or ex-friends/ex boyfriends come at me when my only intention was to show love to them.  But because those bullies had gotten into some bad behavioral problems/bad patterns of thinking- they caused Jesus to step in between them and He and I.  You see – HE stood in between (in front of me) with the bully while all these behaviors were going on- until the bullies exhausted His grace.  THATS when the fat lady sang and I started to see supernatural bad things start to happen to these people.  Life challenging things that would force those bullies to their knees in submission to a holy God would show them who was GOD and who was NOT.

My times back in highschool don’t even compare to the test/trials that I’ve walked through to date with the bullies I’v ecome across.  I DO/did have to learn how to maintain the Love on my own vessel while I was “going through.”  You see- I refuse to allow anybody to steal my joy, whether I’m ADHD or just trying to love the unlovely on the street corner- my job is to LOVE and to STAY IN LOVE or IN THE SPIRIT of the Living GOD/Jesus.  And once Jesus sees that I’ve given it my best – HE DOES THE REST! AND CONTENDS with the enemies of my soul.

Are you struggling with a bully?  Then say this pray after me:

Lord- I’m tired.  I’m so tired of fighting with those who only seem to want to be right, or to hurt me constantly. I ‘m just tired.  Jesus- I need for you to please stand up now- between me and all those who think that they are God in my life- and I need YOU to show them WHO IS GOD AND WHO IS NOT.  Then Lord, can you please heal this broken heart over all the damage they’ve done.  I need/want to be whole.

Thank you SO much Father!  I love you!
In Christ
Missy Hood

copyright © 2012 Missy Hood