I believe that with any tough situation in life there will always be a point of settling or forcing yourself to find a way over the obstacle. Although I knew that something “might” be wrong within my ability to learn I refused to allow myself to accept a defeated position with ADHD. I had always believed that through Christ I could do anything. And I KNEW that God ALWAYS made a way out of everything bad in my life. Society likes for us to just accept defeat and accept the label but to me that would mean compromising and staying in mediocrity.
Sometimes your biggest perceived weakness will turn out to be your biggest strengths if you will just let Christ into the situation. I knew I wasn’t stupid and I recognized patterns in the way that I learned and would see myself completely excel in certain arenas while struggling in others. I didn’t understand it (at the time) but I knew there had to be a way out for me to have the kind of life I dreamed of. I got tired of seeing people always feel sorry for me (in my family) in that they would just ignore my own abilities to attempt to do various tasks, so they would just do them for me because of the time it took me to do them. I’ve always been super independent like that. After my father died I realized that nobody was here to motivate me or to convince me that I really could do the hard things and so I just made myself push beyond all the people in my life who would try to make me codependent on them.
There is something to be said about having “dignity” or even giving dignity to a person with special needs. I don’t consider myself someone with special needs although I do learn differently because of this ADHD condition. However, DIGNITY is key in relating with anybody in this life and Christ was fixing to take me through a series of very tough relationships to teach me about this one important relating component.
Every since I was a little kid I’ve always had such STRONG faith in Christ and would see Him do the most extraordinary things in/around me. I had witnessed Him save me from so many things and I had always known Him to be “SO GOOD.” So I figured, why would He stop being good to me now, just because a little glitch had popped up around me? I had seen Him save me from a very abusive relationship with a man that didn’t anymore know His love than the man in the moon. Yet Christ had me try to show love to this abuser who seemingly tore down my self-esteem with his criticalness, his rage, controlling behaviors, and drug abuse. I never knew what I was going to get when he would come home because this person’s personality seemed schizophrenic. I had never been exposed to that type of behavior and when I found out (about the abuse) I was so ashamed. The crossroads came after my fathers death when I realized I hadn’t been raised to put up with that and that it needed to end.
I was driving home one night (after my father had died) from seeing my ex boyfriend and the Holy Spirit told me “Missy- if you don’t walk away from this relationship I’m fixing to yank you out of it and your not going to like how I do it.” I started crying because my dad was gone, my brother had just gotten married and this would mean that I would be alone with no one to love me. What a lie to believe. I found out later that this person didn’t any more love me nor could he love anybody until he learned to love himself. And this “parting of the ways” was Gods way of teaching me how to start loving me again so that I could draw healthier people to myself.
ADHD people are sometimes seen as weak and we are sometimes preyed upon by dysfunctional people because of what others perceive about our lives. They “perceive” us to be unorganized, chaotic, always in a jam, or in need of someone else to bring control over us. God is the ONLY person allowed to control me and I will no longer allow any human being to stand in a place that only Christ can stand in within my life. I also beg to differ with this abusive perception too because all I’ve ever wanted/needed (ADHD or NOT) was to be loved for who I was (flaws and all) and love doesn’t come through the controlling behaviors of others – it comes through unconditional acceptance. Quick clue folks! If your a controller or a controllee (person being controlled) you need a quick clue- Controllers are people whose emotions are OUT OF CONTROL which is the driving force behind their behaviors. They control others in an attempt to bring order and control over their own chaotic emotions. If you are one of these types YOU NEED COUNSELING because most likely your making everyone around you miserable. Bottom line: Healing will always start/come from within when we turn to Christ for Him to bring the chaos into order within our minds/hearts. So controlling others WILL NOT get you there. You will only drive them away.
Christ taught me that because of what He did on the cross for me. Listen folks- everybody has flaws- there is NOBODY on the planet that is perfect and if they were I might be seeking them out to see if their name were Jesus. There just are NO perfect people because we’re all cracked pots in need of healing/help.
The chaos in my life brought me closer to a savior who could bring true Love/Order/wisdom to the pain from abusive people and why people hurt others. Hurting people hurt people and my abuser was a deeply hurting man. His father had left his mother for a woman his own age after 25 years of marriage. This young man had never known acceptance but only rejection/abuse from a man he looked up to. So he, in turned, repeated what he saw/learned and treated others the same way.
I have learned over the years how to discern these types of personalities and now flee (quickly) from those who would seek to victimize me. I’m not a victim but I can be victimized if I allow dysfunctional people around me who have no business being there. ADHD or not, nobody has the right to EVER mistreat another human being, and if your choosing to stay in an abusive relationship then your no better than your abuser for allowing them to perpetrate.
Christ taught me (even with the gift of ADHD) that I was His daughter, HIS princess, His little girl and that I was be loved the way He loves me. I believe His message is the same for every one of you today if your willing to come to Him so that He can heal, restore, bring order, and set you on the path to wholeness. But only you can allow Him do this. If you agree- then say this prayer:
Father, I’m hurting, and I don’t understand my past and I’m not quite sure how I even got into my present situation. Lord, please come in and heal my heart, my mind, my will and my emotions from the dysfunction of others who didn’t know better.
Talk to you next week! We’ll go into more situations about the supernatural!
Love Missy Hood
copyright © 2012 Missy Hood